i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize