i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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