There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
