Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
