i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
