Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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