When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
