So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
