I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize