i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
MIDGETS
????
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
