She said her name was "party"
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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