Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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