Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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