You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
