i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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