He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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