i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize