Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
