You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Is it penis luge time yet?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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