I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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