Sponge bath it is.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
