as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
