If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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