we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
