Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
