I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
