I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
