his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
