I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
