Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize
