I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
we should paint friendship bongs
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