I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
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