dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Randomize
