I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Randomize
