this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Randomize
