if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Houston, we have a blender
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
