The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
