A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
