It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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