sarcasm needs its own font
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
