He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
