You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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