May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
