is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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