Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
