you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
