So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
