Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
