The maid of honor just puked.
Having a random hookup so left but love u
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
