I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
