just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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