just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
