worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Drake has all the answers
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
