I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
