not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
