i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Randomize
