I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
