He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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