don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Hippo gnu deer
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
