I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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