I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Randomize
