if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
