Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
