You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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