I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
