You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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