time to smoke my breakfast
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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