Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
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