Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Randomize
