My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
you had me at cake vodka
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
