i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
